Thursday, November 19, 2015

If Life Were a book

   I love books! I learned that from my Mom. When I was growing up our one Living Room wall was equipped with Book shelves from wall to wall. Mom was part of a Christian Book Club for a period of time that sent her a new book monthly. I don't know where she got all of her books from, but I became friends with books at an early age. You can get an entire education just by reading books.

  When I got my hands on a new book, I always looked forward to the next chapter with great anticipation. I can't remember ever pausing, looking back and longing after the chapter I had just finished. As the story unfolded there was always so much to anticipate in the next chapter. It was very rare though that I would skip to the end and read ahead. That spoils the entire book. Even though my Dad jokingly says he does that because he might not live to finish the book and then he knows ahead of time what happened.

  This morning I turned on some music to set the tone for my day. Music creates a happy atmosphere for the kids to get up to. I found a file on my computer entitled "Worship" so I clicked on it and listened to a playlist that one of my kids must have put in there as I have no memory of doing it. Besides it had some music in it that I don't naturally go for simply because I grew up in the Country Gospel era and that is what I habitually listen to.

  But as the music flowed through the house I was filled with a flood of memories that turned my pages back to a chapter I just closed, and it filled me with a sweet sadness. One of the songs, "It's not about me" is a song that our son Mark used to sing with his guitar. That reversed my mind to when he still lived here before he got married. He would habitually come home from work, take a shower, eat supper and play guitar. The beauty of a memory is that you can still see and hear in your minds eye. I learned from him that there are other genres of music that are acceptable other then Country Gospel. He doesn't read my blog so he will never know I said that! He likes worship music. When I told him I like the old hymns he declared that the worship groups sing old hymns as well as new. So he pulled up the News Boys for me. I actually liked it.

  I miss the days too when the kids were all still at home and we went to the nursing home once a month to sing. I wonder why it is that it is so easy to look back and think of the days that are past and love those days. Instead of looking ahead and anticipating the next chapter! If life were a book I would, maybe I would even take a peek at the last page.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Yesterday With Mom

  I spent the day with Mom yesterday. She sat in her chair very patiently. I would go crazy sitting in a chair all day. I hope I never get Dementia for my kids sake. Mine too, come to think of it. But I don't think I would want to sit.  But sit she did. I took Merry along and she can be very entertaining so I guess Grandma wasn't bored.

  I spent most of the day cooking. My Dad wanted Chocolate Upside Down cake. So I made that and a double batch of his favorite standby he calls Chems. I think the original name is Graham Jems. But anyway he loves them and always asks for more. I also made meatloaf, Baked Chicken and cooked regular potatoes and sweet potatoes and put most of it in the freezer until my next turn. The rest of the family around here do meals for them too. I just find it easier to do my share when I'm there with Mom anyway.


   Mom reminds me of grandma when I used to spend time with her in her later years. Physically, not mentally. Grandma was always mentally sharp. I remember many a laugh with Grandma because she could understand all the jokes and fun.

   Dementia is really tough. You take care of the body of a person who is no longer there. I don't let myself dwell on it most of the time. But when I do it makes me incredibly sad. I don't believe Mom knows who I am. Maybe once in a great while she still gets a glimpse of reality. But I almost never get that Motherly affection anymore. I was talking to my neighbor one day whose mother had Dementia. She recounted the story of how her mom was staying at her house. One day they were sitting out on the porch and her mom looks at her and starts to say something. My neighbor said she thought they were going to have a rare mother/daughter moment but her mom looks at her and says, "Who are you anyway?"

  My Mom can't talk so I don't expect any verbal recognition but I can tell by her eyes that I am not anyone special to her. That warm sweet flow between us is gone. She used to care about what goes on in my life. She didn't even like when we left for a few days vacation and especially not that I didn't call home. But now she doesn't even care at all.

  I went through some bags yesterday that were in her spare room closet. I found one that she apparently took on the train on their trip to Oregon for Tebo's funeral. Inside there was a poem written by Darwin, found on my other blog.In Honor of Tebo   and the funeral program. I looked at that for awhile and thought of Tebo and how the world is just a bit more lonely knowing that he isn't here anymore. Then I wondered how it is that someone so young is gone and someone as old as Mom is still here when her mind isn't. I hope my readers understand me. If you don't that's o.k. sometimes I don't understand myself. It's a mixed up world with emotions that make sense and don't at the same time.

  I do know that I still know Mom and I still have the warm affection for the person she used to be and that it is my offering of love to her to care for her and make sure I fill my share of her care by doing the things that keep her comfortable. I miss her though and sometimes I wonder if I really remember who she was.
 

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A Letter From Mom

    I stayed with Mom a little today while Dad ran to town. I did some laundry, washed dishes and swept floors. Oh I forgot to mention that Mom was coloring some pictures in a Clifford The Big Red Dog coloring book. I asked her what she wanted to do, look at a magazine? She shook her head "no" and looked bored. So I asked her is she wanted to color and she nodded her head. So she colored while I worked.

  But after I was all done and Pop still ain't there...well what's a girl to do? Well, this girl reads Diaries! You might want to hide yours when I come to your house! Lol! Oh, but this is my Mom, so that's different.

  I found a letter that Mom wrote in Dec of 2013. I thought I would share it with you.



Monday, November 9, 2015

Things That Make Life Easier for the Caregivers

   I am learning as I go. So you may see things posted here that make the world go round a little better. One of those things is helpers that do their work and entertain at the same time. Here is Kristin's idea of helping Grandma's day go by happier.
                                                 She is playing BeJewelled on Kristin's Ipad


   I found some great looking waterproof chair pads for Mom's chair at Amazon. They are on sale right now. I put some in my cart till I decide if I'm going to buy them or not. They would look nice on her chair.




                                          Oh, and here's the iPad if you need one of those too! :)

     Some games do help exercise the brain, and help with dementia. Even though I have told my kids for years that video games turn your brains into Mashed Potatoes.




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Saturday, November 7, 2015

Mom

I thought I better stop by even though its late and I am posting with my Kindle instead of the PC. My Kindle won't post my paragraphs right. On Thurs. Larita came to visit. It was Mom's shower day so Angie and I were both there when she came.It was great to have her there again. While I was combing Mom Angie was standing close by and Mom reaches out and pats her belly, I said "Yeah Mom, she's expecting." Mom got this big grin on her face. I think she believed me!Later she pats her on the belly again. My boys stayed at Grandmas house on Friday afternoon while some of us girls went shopping. When I got back I asked Mom if they behaved and she vehemetly shook her head "no"