Thursday, May 28, 2015

Forgive ?

How much does Mom really understand? She seems to recognize people but we still wonder how deep it really goes.
Today Pop stopped in on the way to town, Mom was restless and loves going on drives to town so he was taking her and was wanting to let us know where they were going, He related how that Mom was in a "touch me not" mode yesterday and kept her distance from him most of the day but evening came and she was very restless and wouldn't lay down to go to sleep and kept trying to say something, Mom just kept trying and trying with no success, finally a clear "Forgive" came out. Pop reached out and held her hand and assured her that yes he gladly forgives her, her countenance cleared and she smiled and settled down and fell asleep almost right away.
It was a blessing for Pop to see that even tho Dementia is taking it's toll, somewhere in there we still get a Glimpse of Mom on occasion...those are special moments..Thank you Lord!
One thought that is often in my mind after watching these things unfold...If you have a loved one that can talk...and share his or her feelings...don't neglect to take advantage of that..go ahead and communicate with them while you still have opportunity...and savor the moment.


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

It Takes a Puppy

   Mom has really been having a rough time of it since the weekend. So many faces that mean so much to her.  She cannot communicate, can't say" thank you for coming, I'm so glad to see you." I don't remember seeing her laugh once the entire weekend. She always did love to laugh. She loved the good ole family time.

   Had she been herself she would have made a huge bowl of her wonderful Potato Salad. We would have had Ice cream and Cake and we would have heard her laughing at all the humor that always flies around when Galen, Roger, Darwin and Earl get together.

  But all she did really was cry. We are learning to take goodbyes a little easier with her. She does much better with a casual wave from 10 feet away and a "goodbye Mom see you later."  When she gets a hold of your hand the tears begin to flow and you'll be lucky to get away. She hangs on for all she's worth. It breaks our heart to see her like this and then we all fight tears too.

  Today when Angie and I went over to give her shower, they weren't home. But while we were still there they came back. She came into the house crying. Apparently Pop took her to town because she was crying and he thought it would help to get away. She did well in town, but then as soon as she saw they were turning onto their road she started crying again.

  She settled down when we talked to her and did fine for her shower, but as soon as she was back in her chair she was back to crying again. So we talked to her there and tried to get her thinking positively. About that time Darius (Darwin's boy) walked in and Pop says, "Darwin's gave Darius a little Jack Russel Puppy  yesterday, she loves that thing."
  So I said, " Darius, run and get your puppy, Grandma needs to cheer up."
He ran home and had that sweet little bundle of puppy love down there before you could blink an eye, and you should have seen her.......perfect peace! She gets that little puppy snuggled up in her lap and she is HAPPY!, and perfectly content.

  When I said goodbye to her, she was beautiful. Her hair was combed, she had a look of joy on her face and she didn't care that I was leaving. I wonder how he ever got that puppy out of her lap. I'm sorry I didn't get a picture. I may have to trade my dumb phone in for a smart phone just so I always have a camera with me.

 

Monday, May 25, 2015

I'm Having People Withdrawal

 I'm almost afraid to say it because it took a funeral to get everyone here. But I had a wonderful weekend. I have drawn a huge sigh of satisfaction this afternoon and took a long nap. Now I'm feeling like,....where is everyone?

  As far as I can tell I'm in my right mind. But I sure do deal with a flood of emotions. Mom has dementia, she obviously deals with a lot of emotions too. She cried a lot this weekend. Whether they were happy tears or sad is impossible to tell. I often restrain my tears, just because I don't like to cry in public. Mom used to be that way too. But not anymore. The restraining part of her brain is not functioning, and when she feels like crying, she does.

 I enjoy reconnecting with nephews and nieces and learn to know their kids.Like little Elijah Lott for instance, he is a delight. (OK, really they all are.) Just because everything in his little mind spills out, and he is such a happy little guy. He reminds me of Denny.

  It's funny how kids grow up, but in my mind they are frozen in time. LaDawn is still 5 years old in my memory. How can it be possible that she really is a mom with three kids? Justin is 10 feet tall,(well, probably not) he just looks that way! He is still etched in my mind at 10 years old. Hey, these were kids that I spent a lot of time with, in another lifetime. You can expect a few secret tears, right?

 When I see Nataya and Keian. I think of Clinton and wish he could have been here. It was really good to see some of the long distance ones that we only see maybe once a year, like Angie's family as well as the ones from Iowa that we see just a little bit oftener. The ones from Oregon and Indiana we just do not see very much. It's been a few years.






Since so many of the family came in, we decided to do an evening reunion.

Mervin's and Roger's spent the night at Mom and Dad's house. That was really great that they could be there. I think it made Mom happy. They said at around 6:30am, Mom went into Mervin and Ila's room and patted Ila on the shoulder till she woke up and then went into the Sunroom where Roger and Elaine slept and checked in on them as well. Elaine was already up, so she didn't get the same wake up call that Ila did.



Today we were together before Earls and Mervins left. The cousins took pictures and there are a few other random shots as well.

 Cousins!
 A Goofy Shot
Here's the other side




 In Darwin's House
Telling Stories
 Playing with Great Aunt Donna's Cane

 Galen's Girls, Jessalyn and Janessa
A snuggly moment, Phebe and Little Lincoln, (someday he will be 10 feet tall too, then she will be shedding secret tears) the wheel of time rolls on.



 I had to share this one. A then and now picture of Janessa, Ella Mae, Daryl, Jessalyn and Emma

And this one of Blake, just to remind us that we are not all old :)

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Family Visitors from Oregon!

 We are so excited to have Uncle Earl and Aunt Donna here, along with My brother Mervin and sis-in-law, Ila. I can't remember when Earl and Donna were here last. Maybe Grandma's funeral back in 2007.

  Their visit of course brings reflection, because it has been so long since I have spent time with them. I have so many, many fond memories. Most make me laugh :)
    I remember that when we were in Oregon, without fail, whenever we got in the car to leave Earl's house with Donna in the car she would always squeal, "Don't back in the pond!, Don't back in the pond!"

  The time we flew in, we thought about staying longer. Some one said, we'd have to call the airport and Earl says, "I'll call the airport for you." He walked to the door and stuck his head and yelled, "Airport!"

  The boys would come in the house and turn on the music, Grandma Kropf would always crank it down,whenever she got the chance.Somewhere there is a recording on Tape of an evening at Earl's that the boys recorded. You can hear Grandpa Kropf's deep singing Bass voice. and who knows what else!

  We had way too much fun.......Tebo used to call my parents Grandpa and Grandma even though they were his aunt and uncle....... Ernie and Darwin dyed Donna's poodle pink.......The nights of singing with Earl until midnight. While he played guitar and we begged for all our favorite songs.
 Oh, and I will never forget.One morning Grandma wanted to fry some eggs so she sent one of the boys to the chicken coop for eggs. The eggs were delivered promptly to the kitchen and Grandma set to work but Oh no! uh-oh. There was a chick in that egg, next one produced the same result.....Enter Aunt Donna into the kitchen, and she's like, "What!? those boys brought you eggs with chicks in?, I can get you better eggs then that!"
   So off she goes to the coop herself and comes back with more eggs. "There," she says, handing them to Grandma, "These will be better."
  Grandma gives it another go and breaks open the egg for the frying pan. Opps! more baby chicks!
Awww! Donna, I hope you forgive me!...But those things are what great memories are made of.

  Fast forward 30 years later...everyone is getting old, or older. Grandpa & Grandma Kropf are gone, Tebo is gone. Mom has dementia, In a sense she's gone too. The Mom that used to put up with all our shenanigans with a hearty laugh. Today I can almost not remember that Mom. She is just a shell of what she used to be. She seems so bewildered sometimes. Like she doesn't quite know what is going on around her.

  I think she did know Earl and Donna today. But she has emotions she doesn't know what to do with. She cries easily. Instead of being overjoyed when she sees them she wants to cry, why? I don't know. Does she know she isn't right anymore and it makes her cry? Does she have brain fog and things are so unclear to her. I don't know.

  When Tebo died, she was so determined to go out to Oregon for his funeral. I believe she would have went if it killed her. She wanted to drive straight through by car. I knew she couldn't do that even back then. So they finally went on the train. I am still amazed she was able to even get on the train. But she had heart ties there that couldn't be denied.
 ********************************************************************************

Today she is here with me while Pop is working at the dump. She was just sitting so I asked her what she wants to do. She looked a little surprised and shook her head, like she was fine just doin' nothin'. I gave her our wedding picture album that I had gotten out for LaDawn to see. It was sooo interesting. She would look at the pictures and put her finger on every picture of me. Very heartwarming!

  Then because everyone is here to attend the funeral of Curtis Kauffman, I pointed him out to her. She brought the book very close to her face to see him and then started to cry. She cried then over pictures of Grandma and Grandpa Kropf and a picture of Verna Kauffman. I wonder if she knows they are gone and misses them or if she wonders why they never come around anymore. Once more......I wish she could talk.


 Uncle Earl with Mom


 Something is really funny here! Aunt Donna & my sis-in-laws Ila and Donna


 Uncle Earl


Pop and Galen


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Hunting Rabbits

My Dad doesn't know how old he is. Well, not really, he knows he's 85. What he doesn't know is that at 85 you don't do the same things that you did at 55. I ran over to Mom's to borrow a cookbook on Tuesday evening. When I got out of the van I noticed two rabbits going lickity-split across the lawn. My Dad had told me earlier that day that the little critters were eating his flowers whenever he turned his back. Like Peter Rabbit in Mr. Magregor's garden.

  So when I got into the house I told him that I saw them in his yard. He said, "Yeah I gotta shoot em." I had my doubts about that. But he picks up the phone and calls Darwin.

  "Hey, you gonna sent someone down with the rifle or do you want me to come and get it"?
I thought sure Darwin would nip that in the bud, but apparently not because about 10 minutes later here comes one of the boys with the 22. Oh boy, I thought, can he handle that thing or not? He looks awful frail to me. I breathed a quiet little prayer for his safety and left it at that.

  The next day Angie and I came back to give Mom her shower and Pop was out in the yard working with his flowers. I asked him if he got his rabbits and he said he got one of them. He told me today that he got two so far and there's one more to go. So much for worrying about my Dad. He probably did his share of worrying about us. Well maybe not too much. But Mom sure did.

 Dad said yesterday he forgot to lock the door and Mom went out by herself, so he followed her to see what she would do. She was looking down towards Darwin's house. But she came back in on her own. He told her if she wants to go to Darwins they could. It didn't take her long to get back out to the van. They went down to the shop and sat there for quite a while. I think she probably needs to get out more.

 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Do any of us have time to stop and smell the Roses

  It's going to be a busy weekend. It's so easy to just allow the current of life to rush us along. I feel like I tumble and rush through so fast sometimes I don't have time to think, let alone smell the roses.

  Time is passing by while I do STUFF! Like Food, cleaning, laundry, school, running errands, listing things on Ebay, shopping (mostly for groceries) almost never for the fun of it, did you catch a tiny sob there? Not really,....I don't mind, I'm happier when I'm not spending money, got it from my Grandma I think.

   Oh, I forgot to mention blog posts, running over to Mom's twice a week to help with her shower, and answering phone calls and texts. DISCLAIMER....I love the people who contact me, please don't stop! I think I just solved my aching thumb problem. Too much texting!   I'm sure I'm still missing something.....and to get really dizzy I could mention the things I'm not getting done at all.

  Reality is, I'm afraid I really need to slow down and spend time with important people. Like my Man, my kids and my parents. It's way too easy to give an absent minded, on the run, passing through kind of hug, while my brain is computing other things and I barely pay attention.

  So this weekend is the Haiti Benefit Auction. Darwin is at the helm of that with his church people. We are making the donuts, so I have to make sure I got everything lined up for that, plus I was hoping to have a couple signs painted to donate to the sale. I see time ticking away and if I don't want to wait until the last minute pressure is on. I thank God for Phebe's help she is one of those faithful who pick up the slack and also makes sure everyone gets fed around here.

Picture of Phebe, my faithful helper. I chose the laughing one because it is a natural pose, but I thought you might want to see her with her mouth shut too. She is with her cousin Denisha on the left and her lil' sis, Merry Grace on the right. I don't think she reads my blog so I think I will be safe :) Oh,and that's a dog not a bear.





Old picture of Grandpa & Grandma Kropf taken before they moved to WI. on their IL. Farm.




Sunday, May 10, 2015

It's Mother's Day

   A great day to go see Mom! Galen, Donna, Angie and our family took supper to the folks this evening. Darwin's had a youth thing going so they didn't show up, but some of their younger kids were there.

  The folks seemed to be doing good. Mom was pretty quiet all evening. Your never sure just how much she understands because she doesn't interact much. She did understand that supper was ready though because I saw her motion to my Dad that she wanted some food. I think she has been losing weight recently.

  The topic of interest tonight was a story of how to boil an egg.

.......Here is how one man did it. You see his wife wasn't home. She had gone to Arkansas to visit her Dad. I suppose that he was missing his cook but he came home from work and decided to boil some eggs. So he put the kettle on to boil and dropped his eggs in. Then he remembered something he needed to do outside. When he got out there he saw the lawn needed to be mowed and so he decided to do it. Right then and there. So he mows the yard. He mowed for 45 minutes and then he ran out of gas. When he went for the gas can, he remembered his eggs, so he hurried into the house. They were still there, oh yes they were. But the smoke was rolling and all the fire alarms were going. He opened all the windows and then he ran upstairs and it was just as bad up there and all the alarms were going up there too. So he opened the windows upstairs too. I wonder what he ate that night. Well anyway if you want the rest of the story......well, just call Mervin!

 Here is Mom with flowers Galen gave her for Mother's day. You can see Galen's reflection in the mirror.

                                      Mom at Angie's house on one of her Saturday morning visits.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Still in the Race

I have been too occupied to post anything. Just so you believe me I will post a picture of what I have been doing the last few days.

 I make these signs from old pallets and I discovered recently how to make stars from soda cans. I sell them at a friend's Greenhouse. So every year I try to have a good supply there for Mother's day.

  I stopped in just briefly to see the folks on Monday after I had been gone for a long weekend. They seemed to be doing pretty good. Mom is doing better as far as she has settled down and kind of plat-toed out. I wouldn't say she has improved as far as her brain function goes, but she is much more at peace. Not so much anxiety and the drive to get out of the house now.

  Dad told me on the phone one day that she wasn't locking him out of rooms anymore but she did go out to the living room and try to use the phone one night. He got her back to bed and she went willingly enough but he could tell she was laying there watching for him to fall asleep. At some point she must of thought he had dropped off because she slipped out and tried to call someone again. He says he doesn't think she could dial the right number anymore. Of course we don't dial numbers anymore, isn't it strange that we think we do? Have you ever wondered why our children don't even think that we are strange saying we dial a number when we actually punch them? Maybe we all have dementia......

  Angie and I went to shower Mom again today. When we got there, Dad was working in the yard, planting flowers. So I got a picture of him.






I took one of Angie and Mom too.





  Mom still knows who we are, we hope she always will but they warn us that the day will come when she won't. I asked Mom who I am today and she responded with my name. I then asked her about Angie, she tried but it was hard for her to say. She finally did get the ending out, then she grabbed her arm and pulled her down to her level for a hug. She started crying then. I wonder what she is thinking. After awhile I thought, boy, where is this going? I can't just let her be crying when we leave. So I cast about in my mind, what can I do to stop this train. I remembered that when I cleaned her room, I found coloring books. I knew she always enjoyed coloring. Even when she was in her right mind. So I got her colors and a Clifford The Big Red Dog coloring book. She didn't seem to want to at first but when she got colors in her hand she was soon coloring and happy again.


 

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Visitors at the shop today

Nearly every day Grandpa comes down to the shop and we catch up on news, try to solve a few world problems, success has been limited but we have a lot of fun trying!
Today when the van pulled up someone said..Grandmas along today, and sure enough soon here comes Mom holding onto Pops arm and walked into the shop with a smile and seemed fairly pleased with herself for being there.
Pop said she was a bit down and crying some so he asked if she wanted to come down? He said she was going for her shoes right away.
Being a furniture shop it seemed fitting so we found a chair for her to sit on and she sat there watching us for a while and seemed to enjoy it.
Ella Mae just came home from Haiti so she came out to see her too...that seemed to be a high light for Grandma.
When they left I said to Mom...now be good and listen to Pop, she reached out and pinched my arm as she walked by..and chuckled.

On Sat Grandpa works at the local Township recycle place, and Mom has been staying here while he goes there to work...gives him a break.
The pic below is Pop walking Mom to the door to go home after work today.