Going Back in Time

   Last week I went back in time in the most incredible way. I always secretly liked stories of going back in time, but since it isn't possible in reality I sort of restrained myself. Sort of.....that's why I say I secretly like it.

   But last week going back in time became reality for me, and I loved it! It was bitter sweet, because it took my Uncle's funeral to get me there. I wish it could have been that long overdue visit instead. I have lost a lot of uncles and aunts in the past 15 or so years. I mostly only went to visitations when they were close enough or not at all if they were far away. But when Uncle Sam passed away I really wanted to go because I have so many precious memories of time spent at their house and fun times with my cousins.

  So we, Steve and I decided to take the risk of taking Pop down to AR for his brother's funeral. At 87 it is a bit risky. Pop is a tough, determined person and he thought he would just be fine driving the 12 hour trip straight through. He did okay but he is getting older and things are harder for him. He was pretty tired when we got back. 

  There were so many things that I have forgotten....... I forgot that they sang German songs, My memory replayed the German prayer phrase after phrase, even though I didn't understand most of it. I had a flashback of when I was a child when I heard the words Gnauty Gottes.....and remembered wondering why they were calling God naughty.  I now think that means Gracious God or something like that. 

    When I mentioned to Phebe that Gnauty means Grace, she got that lightbulb look and replied that she now knows the perfect nickname for her little sister Merry Grace.

  They did have a very good message that I could understand, in English. And lovely English singing in perfect harmony as well. Although I can understand all of the PA Dutch, just not when they read, sing or pray in German.

 This is only a small fraction of all the cars that were at the funeral. I tried to be very discreet with photos as I know they don't like having pictures taken.

 I took this one at a distance so as not to be able to tell who is who there.

   I wish I could have stayed longer. To visit all the places my cousins,  Darwin and I used to go to. To once again drive with them through the beautiful winding roads of Eureka Springs. But, since we are not kids anymore and have other responsibilities it just wasn't possible.


  Pop fell today at the bank. He thought there was only one step out of the bank where there was actually two. He had forgotten his cane again. He forgot to take it to AR as well. I thought that if mom was in her right mind she would be making sure he had it with him. I am still learning what he needs.

  He said his chest was hurting and it affected his breathing. Tonight I ran over to see how he is doing and he said he was feeling much better. The pain was better and it was easier to breathe. Darwin calls him every morning and evening, so he will be keeping tabs on him.

I Miss the Mom I Used to Have

   Phebe, Merry and I went to clean Pop's house today. We needed a heat gun for a project at home, and I knew mom used to have one to use when she made cards. So I was looking around to see if I could find it.

   Everywhere I went were memories of who mom used to be. I found a stash of cards that she was so fond of making. I rummaged through her stashes of fabric she planned to use in a quilt or maybe a dress she was planning to ask me to sew.

  I missed her a lot .It's such a strange situation to be in. She is just a shadow of her former self. The only thing that is remotely still like her is her body. Although she has aged tremendously and lost a lot of weight. Her mind is nowhere near who mom is.

  In my minds eye I can still see a mom who cared about my life. Loved her grandchildren, never missed a birthday. Loved to bake pies. Loved to laugh. It's been eons since she called me on the phone.

  She never missed an appointment, always had meals on time. She loved to shop and go out to eat. The best thing about mom was she was always there, and you could always depend on her to have a bucket of ice cream in her freezer. I miss her........

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Mom on A Wednesday

     I met Angie on Wed at the nursing home to visit mom. When I first got there mom was really sober and pretty much just tolerated any try at interaction. It was pleasant that Pop was there because I could at least talk with him.

  When Angie got there she brought mom a cookie. Mom took it immediately and started eating it. I could tell Pop was nervous about it. He watched her like a hawk.

The nursing home has been giving Dad a meal whenever he comes in and feeds mom. Last week one day he had chicken and mom grabbed one of his pieces and tried to eat it. She ended up choking on it. So he's pretty concerned about what goes in her mouth. She is mostly on a pureed diet.

I gave her the soft Teddybear to hold and she loved it. But after she had the cookie she just wanted to bite the bear. Before I left then I gave here an activity blanket they had there in her room. Activity blankets have trinkets to keep them busy. Like pockets, zippers, buttons and different textures to feel. She worked at the zipper for awhile and seemed very interested in the square itself. She loved to piece quilts in the past, it appeared like there was a memory there.

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