Mom on A Wednesday

     I met Angie on Wed at the nursing home to visit mom. When I first got there mom was really sober and pretty much just tolerated any try at interaction. It was pleasant that Pop was there because I could at least talk with him.

  When Angie got there she brought mom a cookie. Mom took it immediately and started eating it. I could tell Pop was nervous about it. He watched her like a hawk.

The nursing home has been giving Dad a meal whenever he comes in and feeds mom. Last week one day he had chicken and mom grabbed one of his pieces and tried to eat it. She ended up choking on it. So he's pretty concerned about what goes in her mouth. She is mostly on a pureed diet.

I gave her the soft Teddybear to hold and she loved it. But after she had the cookie she just wanted to bite the bear. Before I left then I gave here an activity blanket they had there in her room. Activity blankets have trinkets to keep them busy. Like pockets, zippers, buttons and different textures to feel. She worked at the zipper for awhile and seemed very interested in the square itself. She loved to piece quilts in the past, it appeared like there was a memory there.

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Are There Any Changes?

  Friends often ask how mom is doing. I find that question difficult to answer. Does she know us? I don't know. Sometimes, but not in the same way. Once again I wish I could see inside her mind. Like I told one friend who asked recently, no one has ever recovered from dementia who could tell us how it felt, or what it was like.

  Mom basically does nothing. She sits all day. Either in her recliner or wheelchair, is taken to the dining room and fed. Her hands are beginning to curl in. She keeps them tightly clenched. She still smiles at kids.

I saw her reach for Dad's hand today. He sat there and held her hand in his big comforting one. I don't know how that affects her mind, but I do think it has to feel normal to her. Even if she doesn't rationalize it.

The nursing home has offered Dad a free lunch for coming in and feeding her and eating with her. I think it is good for both of them.

  I recently read a book about a women who had Early onset Dementia at 50, the title is A Vow to Cherish. It is fiction but very interesting anyway. There is also a movie by the same name. You can watch the whole thing on YouTube. I cried through a lot of it. The book and movie aren't totally alike but both depict Dementia quite well.

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Visiting Mom Yesterday

   Angie called me yesterday, right before lunch, and said she was planning to visit mom. Would I like to go too?

   I thought it was a great idea since I needed to take Isaiah to his piano lesson anyway, we would go there first.

  I have been taking Isaiah for piano lessons for the past six months now because he plays by ear and I thought it would be good for him to learn to read music.

I think he is learning. At least I hope he is. He says his teacher likes his music. More often than not though I see him listening to a song and then playing it without music in front of him.

His teacher likes for him to play a new song for her every week. He said she corrected him on his song yesterday where he was playing it wrong at one place. I guess his ears messed up.

  So be that as it may be. I just trust his teacher. If she allows him to play that way I figure she knows what she is doing. She is 85 years old. She seems to be in good health. Maybe teaching and playing piano keeps her mind in good working order.

Mom is 85. I wish she was playing and teaching piano.

When we got there yesterday she was still in the dining room. She had just finished with lunch so we took her back to her room. She was in a happy frame of mind. She was so delighted to see Isaiah. She would just beam with joy and smile whenever she looked at him.

I'm not sure if he is Isaiah in her mind or not. He could be Lucas or Marc to her. He has grown a lot this past year and could look more like his older brothers to her than the little boy he was 4 years ago, when she would have known without a doubt who he was.

We were remembering yesterday that it was 4 years ago that Dad was at Mayo lying at death's door and the Doctors were telling us he would be going to a nursing home, if he ever left the hospital alive at all. They said we must prepare for a new normal. At the very best he would be on a feeding tube.

  They were right about one thing. He isn't the same. He walks with a stoop and is a lot thinner and older. But they were wrong about his quality of life. He is very self sufficient. Basically we clean his house, do his laundry and provide meals in a hit or miss fashion.

When I went to clean his house on Sat. I freaked out a little. I saw his sidewalk was way too icy. When I left it was almost dark and he wasn't home from seeing mom yet. I thought about how horrible it would be if he fell in the dark and couldn't make it into the house and no one would know. So later I called Darwin and they got it salted and taken care of.

  When I think of old people, I wonder, why does life center so much around "us"? Old people still matter. They have real lives and real memories. Why do they get " forgotten"? Why do we look at them as "over the hill" or like a lost worn out shoe left under the bed?

My mom is only a shell of her former self, but she can still smile!

My Dad? He is a rare wonder. I love to hear his thoughts and ideas. He has a good understanding of who God is and I could sit and listen to him and Steve talk for hours.

  I think we could learn something from the old Native American culture when it comes to honoring our elders.

The truth is, we are only one or two steps away from being old ourselves.

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Court Hearing

  On Monday Dad and I were scheduled to be at a hearing for guardianship for Mom. Since we never had a POA done while she still knew what she was doing and could still sign her name.

  I had never been in a court room before so it was very interesting. Very formal and slightly intimidating.

  But mostly I was interested in the building. Such beautiful wood, ornate carvings, massive stone columns and stonework. I felt like I was stepping back in time and would be sure to encounter fine gentlemen dressed in formal wear and elegant ladies dressed in beautiful dresses that though they are ornate and beautiful would sufficiently cover.

  As I sat there with Steve waiting till time to go in, I was drinking it all in. There was a beautiful staircase with lovely carved banisters. It was so delicious! Then I noticed someone had commited a crime. I really hope they are doing jail time for it.

  I noticed that over the top of a beautiful wooden door was an ordinary piece of fake wood paneling. Whatever! It looked like an imposter to me. I looked around at other doors and spyed another one with a square of ugly plywood. How could anyone do that? I wondered. I finally located a door that was original and found that there was actually supposed to be a square of glass above the doors instead of those ugly wood fillins. I complained bitterly to Steve, but he was only amused at my annoyance.

  You can't tell me the county can't afford a few pieces of glass to keep that building beautiful!

Inside the court room was awe inspiring. Huge rounded ceiling, wood everywhere, carved banisters,  beautiful tall windows with carved wooden doors that closed over the windows behind the Judge's seat.

I was glad I was only in there for a guardianship hearing and not something I was in trouble for. My mind went to the last judgement and I thought about when we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ to receive for the things done in the body, whether good or bad.

There's something about seeing a Judge that makes you think, ......and why do they wear black? Just a thought. This guy was nice though. He kept pulling on his beard when he was thinking. I guess it's OK for judges to wear beards. There was pictures of previous judges on the wall dating back to most likely the early 1800s. They all looked very sober and intimidating.

  That was my morning in court. We got the guardianship taken care of and I got to see the inside of a court room.

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Inside of Mom's Head

    I wish I could understand what goes on in the Grand Central Station of my mother's body. I know she knows us at least part of the time.

   If I didn't believe it was impossible I would think she's getting even with us and giving us the cold shoulder. It just isn't Mom at all to treat us so impersonally!

When I walk into her room I say Hi to her and she just looks at me like, do I care who you are?

   I was in her house last week. It was empty and dark. I walked through the whole house just thinking and looking. I missed my Mom. She just was not there. I saw her coat hanging on the hall tree and got this irrational urge to go give it a huge hug and hang on till I felt better. I didn't though, because I'm not impulsive. I knew it wouldn't help and if anyone walked in it would have looked very strange to be hugging a coat on a hall tree.

I have a mind image of Mom in the kitchen, wearing a cobbler apron and whipping up a cakemix, or maybe Potato Salad.

But my mother sits in the nursing home. Dosing in her chair and not caring if I'm there or not. My Dad and I sit and talk about almost everything. We talk about mom, about life, about God and about the coming election.  We are a comfort to each other I think.

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Ocean in a Bottle

  Yesterday when I went to see mom she was very agitated. Dad said she was grabbing things and making it hard to feed her.

  Later that day I was browsing on Pinterest and I found a recipe for calming bottles. They were using them for kids, but I thought it should work as well for a person with Dementia.

  So today Merry and I put one together for Grandma. I chose the "Ocean in a Bottle" because it sounded relaxing. And for a little special touch I bought the little Sea Turtle "Squirt" to put in the bottle. That way we can watch him swim.

  I bought everything I needed at The Dollar Tree. A bottle of sparkling water, to reuse for the bottle, veggie oil and the afore mentioned sea turtle.

It's a very simple process. Fill the empty bottle 1/3 full of water and 4 drops of blue food coloring, shake and fill the bottle the rest of the way with veggie oil. Last of all squeeze the sea turtle in. He comes attached to a rock but I easily twisted him off and discarded the rock.

Super glue the lid on so that it won't come off, and your done!

  Tomorrow I will see how Mom likes it.....

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Out of Rythm

  When you get used to a pattern in your life then changes feel really weird. We got home from vacation on Sunday evening, so this morning I went to the Nursing home to see Mom. She was very sober. She didn't lighten up at all except I got her to smile for the second picture I took of her.

  I showed her pictures on my Kindle just to give her something to think about. She smiles at pictures of her grandkids but when we got to a picture of me she just stares at it. Sober as a judge. I started to wonder if she was blaming me for this nursing home stint. But Larita said she responded to her in the same way.

   Tomorrow I will go in at 9am to comb her hair, we'll see how she does then. I plan to stop by the house and get some things she is familiar with and see if that makes her happy.

I had to chuckle a little tonight at Merry. After a long day of laundry and pulling weeds in my garden I decided to soak my feet before I go to bed. Merry took the opportunity to help me. She grabs the foot brush and goes to work.

On this particular footbrush is what looks like a cheese grater in miniature. She proceeds to use the thing on my heel and when I flinched she says,
  "Don't be a wimp mom."

  She continues with her grating job and gives me a look and says, "Someday you'll thank me."

  Aha! I laughed, maybe I understand my mom just a little better now!

   It will take awhile for me to get used to the new pattern. I always feel like it's time to run and put mom to bed and then realize that she isn't at home. Most likely she is adjusting to the new rhythm too!

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Possible Hospital Stay

  The swelling in mom's leg has been getting worse and we are thinking her leg is what affects her walking. Angie and I have not been able to handle her anymore. On Wed. evening we had to get Isaiah in to help us transfer her from wheelchair to bed.

Today Angie talked to her boss at the Nursing home she works at and she strongly feels like mom has another blood clot. I was leaving for vacation so I called Darwin and briefed him in. They evaluated mom this afternoon and decided to call the ambulance.

So at the moment mom is at the ER with a high possibility of being admitted. I just contacted Angie and she said they are doing an ultrasound on her leg.

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Music Speaks to the Soul

  We invited some friends over on Sunday evening with the intent to take them over to sing for my parents.

They had been singing as a family for many years but now most of their children have left home. But they still sound great and we had a wonderful evening.

Mom loved it! She had a huge smile and kept her foot going with the music all evening. They sang a lot of familiar songs including the Louvin Brother's, Drunkard's Plea, mom always loved that song.

At 8:00 I knew there was no sense trying to get her to bed, there was no way she would have been ready, We waited till 9 and then she was OK with it.

It's amazing to me how I can stand right in front of my mom, make eye contact, ask her a direct yes or no question and get a blank stare. But when someone comes with a guitar and a song she lights up like a lightbulb and keeps time with the music.

A huge thank you to Jim, Gina and Sara Hershey! Thank you for lighting up mom's life for an evening.

              Sorry, the pictures turned out a little dark, but hopefully you can still see well enough.

Changes

Mom continues to improve but I wonder if she will ever get back to what she was before her blood clot.

  Her swelling is very nearly back to normal, but she still doesn't walk well. Sometimes we think she is doing great and the next day she's back to not so good again. She will be on her blood thinner for the rest of her life.

Dad has been hoping that she will improve enough so that Angie and I won't have to come as often, but I don't see that happening. I don't want him to strain himself. If he goes down, life will be much more complicated.

Tonight when Angie and I were there to put mom to bed I saw an Anacin box laying on the counter in the kitchen. So I asked Dad if he bought them for him or mom.  He said they were for him, he's having trouble with his hip. So I told him again not to strain himself trying to get mom up from her chair or bed anymore.

  We have made a difficult decision this week. Our family has driven an hour and 15 minutes for church for the past five years. With mom needing more care it makes it so much harder to get there. We have decided to attend Pop's church for now until mom is no longer here or no longer needs my help.

  We will miss our friends at church. Changes are not always easy. But I'm trying to learn to roll with the punches.