Thoughts

  I owe you all an apology, especially my uncles who look forward to reading a new post and glean through my ramblings for a word of how their sister is doing. My heart has not been on my blog or on writing. I have been struggling with guilt and dissatisfaction ever since Mom went to the nursing home.

  I suppose it's a normal occurrence. It wasn't always easy going to Mom's house twice a day to get her up and put her to bed. But I miss it. There was that emotional connection. It is so impersonal now to go visit her in her hard, institutionalized room. I know she has good nurses. But they don't know mom like we do.

  Mom is a super, super good patient though. She is ever so content to just sit there hour after hour with not a hint of discomfort or boredom. I would be going crazy about now if I were her.

  On Friday the 21st, the nursing home had open house for their new facility. So the kids and I met Angie there and took a tour. The new home is gorgeous. Just inside the front door you see walls and ceiling covered in raw Barn board with a fireplace to bring warmth and a restful welcoming aura.

  The first thing you find beyond the fireplace is a self serve cafe where they will have coffee and vending machines. Mom's room is down a series of wide hallways. The first couple turns take you through soft green passageways and then you find yourself entering a gentle yellow way. Each hallway has it's own private family room where they have comfortable looking chairs and great views.

   Mom's room is not huge, in fact probably a bit smaller then what she has now. It overlooks the courtyard which can also be seen from her dining room on the opposite side. She will have her own private bathroom with a shower. The bathroom floor must have a slight slope because the shower consists of basically a shower head coming out of the wall, a drain in the floor and a curtain to pull shut when you want to use the shower. I immediately thought of the disastrous floods we would have at our house with a system like that. But it should work fine with one old lady.

  There are a total of five beautiful kitchens in the new facility. I wish I would have taken pictures but I guess that can happen later. In addition to the private family rooms they also have very large open living rooms with more comfortable looking couches and chairs and big windows. The whole place just gives you the feeling of comfort. I took one look at the private family room and thought what a beautiful place that would be to come to for some solitude to sit and write.

  So over all I'm feeling much better about mom being in there. Moving day is Nov 3rd. Angie will correct me if I have that wrong. My brain picks up some details fairly well, but dates and times have a way of eluding me. Numbers just slip away, swirl and go down the toilet in the bathroom of my mind.

  I comfort myself with the thought that my mom was never that way. She was always prompt and never forgot an appointment. Meals were always served on time. I am like my Dad, who could function well with just a calendar and you thought twice about asking him to pick something up on the way home from town because chances were high that he would come home empty handed. Don't ask Steve how I do with that.

  I am reading a book on Dementia now that says that if you don't have an ability to do something, like for instance if you are direction-ally challenged is not an indication that you have dementia. The problem is when you have loss of information, not something you never had in the first place.