I decided to go back and see what I was writing about Mom a year ago and I found these words......
"Dementia is really tough. You take care of the body of a person who is no longer there. I don't let myself dwell on it most of the time. But when I do it makes me incredibly sad. I don't believe Mom knows who I am. Maybe once in a great while she still gets a glimpse of reality. But I almost never get that Motherly affection anymore."
Not much has changed really. I still say the very same thing. Although, these words are only more true now. When I wrote those words last year she was still knowing us a whole lot better than she does now.
It's hard to put into words. Does it make sense that when I walk in, her eyes widen a little but she is more interested in the tv than in me? She stares at the images darting in and out on the screen. Usually she has her hands tucked down on both sides of her and if I want to hold her hand I have to pull it out from being tucked in down beside her. She sits there like that all day.
My heart aches. Is there something we could do to keep her "here" mentally longer? I'm sure her body is slowing down because she definitely has lost function, i.e. toilet and walking skills. But it's obvious that her mind is leaving at a greater rate then what her body is.
One of the biggest temptations I face is to distance myself. But I know I can't, staying away doesn't make it go away. I still have a mother that gets small comfort from holding my hand. I believe that, even though she doesn't show it. Staying away would only deaden the pain not heal it, and I know that when she is no longer here I will feel like I skipped out on her if I hide now.
The kitchen
The new facility is still a source of encouragement to me. I feel very good about mom's new residence.
No comments:
Post a Comment