Sometimes perspective is all we need. Our care for Mom continues week after week. She stays pretty much the same. Her worsening progression is so minute it can hardly be noticed. Like the hour hand of the clock, it moves slowly and unheeded by us all until the end of the day we realize, it really has moved on and the day is gone.
Today Mom had a window of clarity where I think she really remembered me. How precious to feel the pressure as she squeezed my hand hard and smiled. It felt so good to be acknowledged again. I had become so resigned to her not knowing who I am that I think I have been pretty downhearted about it without really admitting it to myself.
It didn't last long. By the time she walked to the bathroom for her shower the moment had passed. She frowned and shook her head "no" very vigorously when we started her bath. Then she violently kicked the water again.
I thought about it regretfully as we got her dressed then. The sadness and sorrow of Mom no longer being herself. As I pondered the thing I had a light bulb moment... IT DOESN"T END HERE! There's no reason to get too down about this. This is only a moment compared to all of eternity when Mom and I will know each other like we always did. IT ISN"T OVER! I will have a mother/daughter relationship again with her soon....
Some day soon, she will be her neat self again. She won't have an unheeded drippy nose, she won't get food everywhere all over herself and not care that she has crumbs sticking to her chin. Her bathroom inabilities will no longer exist.
It doesn't end here. It's all a matter of perspective!
Just for fun today I asked her where her cookbooks are. She pointed out the general direction but I insisted she get up and show me. She did. Not very eagerly, but she marched right over and showed me where they are kept. Wow! She remembers.
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